Whether your relationship is struggling or you just want to make it stronger, I can help...
Fighting doesn’t fix things, but ignoring or trying to forget about conflict doesn’t work either. The key is to resolve the conflict — repair it and figure out how to keep it from continuing.
That’s what my coaching is designed to do.
If you’re looking at this website, you’re probably concerned about your relationship.
All couples have conflict, because no two people are going to see or feel things the same way all the time. Serious problems are those where your differences aren’t resolved, and one or both of you feel like you’ve “lost”. Instead of the connection you experienced when you first got together, you feel disconnected—lonely, anxious, guarded, resentful, or putting up a front. Conflict is not always yelling or storming out—often it is cool and distant.
Fighting doesn’t fix things, but ignoring or trying to forget problems doesn’t work either. The key is to repair the hurt and figure out how to keep it from continuing. That’s what my coaching is designed to do. My forty years of work with couples has taught me a lot. I understand what keeps love alive. And I understand how we learn to repair conflict, renew connection, and keep love growing.
Lots of couples think their difficulty is about the kids, the dog, the dishes, the in-laws, money, and/or sex. It’s not. It’s about the way you see, treat, and talk to each other. You have become a threat to each other’s emotional safety. That has to change, or things don’t get better.
Even the best self-help books seldom make things better. You have to experience each other differently, because what we really believe is our experience. I will coach you, and also expect you to do homework so that you experience each other positively. You learn how to address and resolve conflict so that your relationship gets deeper and stronger. We talk, but we also do stuff that is interesting, challenging, and shifts perspective.
My role is not to judge you. It is to help you understand each other, how you connect and disconnect, and teach you how to take care of each other. Then you can work out your particular issues and deepen your love and support for one another. You can be true partners, which is what you were looking for when you first hooked up. A good marriage makes you happier and healthier. That’s the goal.
Most couples have enough connection to learn how to make their relationship better and keep it growing. For the few who don’t, I’ll give you some other resources to try, or help you separate with as little damage as possible. I won’t try to save your relationship if you decide you don’t want that. But if you do want to make it work, I’m with you all the way.